Microsoft and GM


#1

Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated "if GM had kept up with the technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25.00 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon."



In response to Bill’s comments, General Motors issued the following press release -



If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics -



1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day.



2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car.



3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to pull over to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue. For some reason you would simply accept this.



4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.



5. Only one person at a time could use the car unless you bought “car NT”, but then you would have to buy more seats.



6. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive - but would only run on five percent of the roads.



7. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single “General Protection Fault” warning light.



10. The airbag system would ask “are you sure?” before deploying.



11. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.



12. GM would require all car buyers to also purchase a deluxe set of Rand McNally road maps (now a GM subsidiary), even though they neither need nor want them. Attempting to delete this option would immediately cause the cars performance to diminish by 50% or more. Moreover, GM would become a target for investigation by the Justice Dept.



13. Every time GM introduced a new car, car buyers would have to learn to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.



14. You’d have to press the “Start” button to turn the engine off.


#2

That first one from GM is a hoot! With Microsofts recent track record they should just keep quiet…


#3
Paul McGowan said: 14. You'd have to press the "Start" button to turn the engine off.

Amusingly, with keyless entry, this true with many cars.

#4

Yep, that’s how you turn off a Volt. :-?


#5
Paul McGowan said: 14. You'd have to press the "Start" button to turn the engine off.

Amusingly, with keyless entry, this true with many cars.


Trouble is, nowadays Windows doesn't even have the "start" button any more, so that line has to be updated to "14. You have to press the hidden-behind-the-dashboard-behind-the-glove-box "start" button to de-boot the internal-combustion-reciprocating-machinery."

--SSW

#6

Much better. :slight_smile:



There must be an Apple equivalent out there with things like:



If Apple made cars, the GPS would show only approved routes, on pre-approved roads and one could refill at only 5% of the world’s gas stations.


#7

SNAP! :))



J.P.


#8
Elk said: If Apple made cars, the GPS would show only approved routes, on pre-approved roads and one could refill at only 5% of the world's gas stations.


Yes, and at each fill-up you would be alerted that a new version of "Throttle Control" is available. You would then debate whether to go with the new version which makes multi-color exhaust or stick with your previous version which you had taken to Jailbreak Lou's Garage so that you could exceed the speed limit. <):)

#9
  • occasionally spontaneously burst into flames
    - the owner cannot replace the battery, or even open the hood. It must be taken back to the dealer.
    I cannot think of an amusing way to reference Foxconn's heinous mistreatment of its workers manufacturing Apple products. :(