Confucius said:
“Anyone who believes his system sounds better than any other system in the world is a fool.”
“Woe unto him who worships at the Bose altar.”
“One who hears big speaker sound from small speaker needs his hearing checked.”

God said:
“My voice is still and small, to avoid detection and distortion by electronic audio equipment.”
“In that day of reckoning shalt thou know the true meaning of decibels.”
“In the beginning, I–not Wilson–created the loudspeaker.”

Trump said:
“My amplifier is better than yours, I can tell you that. Believe me.”
“PS Audio is fake news. There’s no such thing as Music Room One.”
“I’ve never heard of McGowan. Is he even worth a billion?”

Retirement Home Resident said:
“I prefer my Edison phonograph better than any modern contraption. With my Edison I can hear the hiss and pops of the original performance.”
“My neighbors are always complaining about the volume of my phonograph. They must be dreaming. To me it’s never loud enough.”
“I do enjoy the glow of tubes, and they help keep my room nice and toasty.”

Disgruntled Audio Customer said:
“I’m returning the amplifier because it doesn’t make any noise.”
“I’ll never purchase from you again. I found out I can buy the same new speakers cheaper on Ebay with free shipping from China.”
“I’m disappointed that the music doesn’t sound like the musicians are right in my room. False advertising!”

Einstein said:
“E=MC2” in audio means “Excellence equals Money times number of Components squared”
“The perceived quality of audio is relative; it depends on your frame of reference.”
“I prefer the live sound of my own violin playing to artists’ recordings. My wife has a decidedly different preference.”

The Audiophile said:
“Take away my music and I’d sooner die. At least play live music at my funeral.”
“To keep my wife from finding out how much I really paid for my audio system, I immediately ate the receipts.”
“I admit I’m addicted to my audio fetish. When I finally got the nerve to see a psychiatrist about it, he recommended I join the same audio therapy group he belongs to.”

God said: “If I had intended man to worship me with pipe organs, I would have made Bach a Saint.”

The claustrophobic audiophile said: “This system’s sound stage is too small; the music can’t breathe.”

The conductor complained to his orchestra: “You should listen to yourselves on a good audio system. You’d wish it were not so revealing.”