Best music joke. Yours?

[bruce-in-philly]

Peace
Bruce in Philly

[lonson]

Here are my two favorites from my time in bands:

What do you call an accordion player with a business card? AN OPTIMIST

What do you call a guitar player without a girlfriend? HOMELESS

[bruce-in-philly]

Knock knock… Who’s there?
Knock knock… Who’s there?
Knock knock… Who’s there?
Knock knock… Who’s there?
Knock knock… Who’s there?

Philip Glass

[brumtech]

How do you know there’s a drummer at your door?

The knock speeds up and he never knows when to come in.

[brumtech]

What’s the difference between an onion and an accordion?

Nobody cries when you chop up an accordion.

[brumtech]

What’s the difference between a drummer and a pizza?

A pizza can feed a family of four.

[brumtech]

How do you make a million dollars playing jazz?

First you start with two million…

[RonP]

What do you call a drummer wearing a three piece suit?
The defendant.

[RonP]

How do you get a bass player off your lawn?
Pay him for the pizza.

[Elk]

How do you know the drum kit riser is horizontal?
The drool comes out of the drummer’s mouth equally on both sides.

How do you know it is a Lutheran trombonist’s child playing on the playground?
He cannot swing and does not know how to use the slide.

Then there are the standard classical music jokes:

Middle C, E flat and G walk into a bar but were greeted with: “Sorry.” “We don’t serve minors.”

What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft? A flat minor.

Arnold Schoenberg walks into a bar: “I’ll have a gin, no tonic”

[RonP]

The difference between God and a conductor? God doesn’t think of himself as a conductor…

[RonP]

Finally,
a horse walks in a bar with a trombone strapped to his saddle. The bartender asks why are you so sad? Horse says, I’m not sad.
So why the long face?
(Yup, I added the trombone…)

[brumtech]

What’s the difference between a banjo and a trampoline?

You take your shoes off to jump on a trampoline.

[Elk]

All old classics.

Here is yet another (also applied to big bands with a singer, R&B, etc.):

Q: What’s the difference between a bull and a symphony orchestra?
A: The bull has the horns in front and the ass in the back.

Q: What do you get when you play New Age music backwards?
A: New Age music.

Q: How many Deadheads does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: 12,001. One to change it, 2,000 to record the event and take pictures of it, and 10,000 to follow it around until it burns out.

Q: What’s the definition of a gentleman?
A: Someone who knows how to play the oboe but doesn’t.

[brumtech]

Thanks Elk, I figured you knew a million of them. I hadn’t heard any of your last four and I’m placing them in my arsenal.

Thanks for starting the thread Bruce!

[FMaximus]

Not so much a joke as a fact!

[JRSBat]

Short version:

A director decides that he’s going to make a movie based on the lives of famous classical composers. Looking for a prospective cast, he asks Sylvester Stallone which composer he would like to play in the movie. Stallone thinks for a moment and says, “I like Mozart. Let me be Mozart.”

The director then turns to Arnold Schwarzenegger and asks him who he’d like to play. Arnold replies, “I’ll be Bach!”

[RonP]

The funniest classical music joke I ever heard was this: Florence Foster Jenkins

[bootzilla]

From around the time that Bob Dylan was emerging from his ‘born again’ phase:

“There’s a rumor going around that Bob Dylan is getting back together again.”

[jazznut]

As a jazznut I have to add at least one old Kenny G joke for completion:

What did Kenny G say when he got into an elevator? „Wow this place ROCKS!!!“