Canada nice, very nice!
Loved the bear!
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I’ve been locked up with a s!#t pot of 6th graders so have seen a lot of goofy s!#t today, but that’s the best f#&@in laugh I’ve had all day.
Love the baby hand flipping the bird!
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Priceless!
I bought a decaffeinated coffee table. You can’t tell by looking at it.
Steven Wright
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My girlfriend asked “If I could tell you the exact time and place you are going to die, would you want to know?”
“No”
“Ok, forget it then.”
Steven Wright
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“George is a radio announcer, when he walks under a bridge, you can’t hear him talk.”
My favorite Wright Liner.
And audio-adjacent… 
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My favorite (paraphrased):
“Last night I came home so wasted that I tried to unlock the house with my car keys. It started up though, so I drove it around for a while.”
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Wright should have toured with Mitch Hedberg…
Favorite Hedbergs:
“I have no problem not listening to the Temptations, which is weird.”
"I saw this wino who was eating grapes. It’s like, “Dude, you have to wait.”
“I like rice, rice is great when you’re hungry and you want 2,000 of something.”
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Any chance the kitty’s name is Quint?
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Have you heard of the new “quiet tennis”? It’s the same as regular tennis but without the racket.
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