I’ve heard that short people live longer than other folks. That’s not really true, it’s that they are so much

more annoying it just seems that way. Stolen from the complete curmudgeon.


You’re no Randy Newnan, neither is the curmudgeon.




Teller says to the next person in line: “I’ll be with you Shortly.”


Q: Why did the passengers on the plane move away from the angry passenger?

A: Because he had a short fuse.



That’s exactly right!





This probably doesn’t belong in humor but didn’t know where to post it. Think it’s really nice. Creative.


That great “liquid” tube sound…


Just try not to laugh - oops, should be in Everything Else.

What are you spinning right now?


That sheep video is really tiring!


The pastor asked if anyone in the congregation would like to express
praise for an answered prayer. Patty stood and walked to the podium.

She said, “I have some praise. Two months ago, my husband, Harold, had
a terrible bicycle accident and his scrotum was completely crushed.
The pain was excruciating and the doctors didn’t know if they could help him.”

You could hear a muffled gasp from the men in the congregation as they
imagined the pain that poor Harold must have experienced.

“Harold was unable to hold me or the grandkids,” she went on, “and every
move caused him terrible pain.” We prayed as the doctors performed
a delicate operation, and it turned out they were able to piece
together the crushed remnants of Harold’s scrotum, and wrap wire around
it to hold it in place with metal staples."

Again, the men in the congregation cringed and squirmed uncomfortably
as they imagined the horrible surgery performed on Harold.

“Now,” she announced in a quivering voice, “thank the Lord, Harold is
out of the hospital and the doctors say that with time, his scrotum
should recover completely.”

All the men sighed with unified relief. The pastor rose and tentatively asked if anyone else had something to say.

A man stood up and walked slowly to the podium. He said, “I’m Harold.”
The entire congregation held its breath.

“I just want to tell my wife that the word is sternum.”