I feel your pain Ron. And you’re right, we don’t really talk about it. I lost my grandmother (105) and three weeks later my dad (83) in September. The grandmother was not really a tragedy at all, she was 105(!) survived her 2nd pandemic, was playing and counting crib hands up until two days before and then just didn’t feel like getting up the day before. Dad however, three months in the hospital having lost his marbles and then a seizure which pretty much ended his conscious awareness. Then came the SEVEN days of no food, no water, several more seizures, severe pain cries when touched or moved, gobs of pain and seizure meds, and eventually a last breath. Yet in the obit we still felt we had to submit the ‘went peacefully’ line. Having witnessed that last week, I’m convinced that hundreds of years ago, before pain meds, there MUST have been quite a few pillow mercy interventions. He too had the genetics that did not do him any good in the end. 65 years of 2-pack a day smoking and his lungs were tip top. Never even had a cough.
I’m sorry to her about your situation.
Yes, the end can be cruel. I feel for you.
If I might offer one bit, when the final hours/days are before you, you may find yourself watching their breathing - you will naturally tend to mimic that breathing - remember to breath.
But after three months in the hospital, food, boatloads of medications, tests, he destroyed a chair and nearly a hospital bed… I suddenly became so incredibly thankful for our Canadian medical system - $0.00
Personally I’ve always hoped that I’d go out getting shot by a jealous husband, but time is running out on that possibility.
Sorry for your loss Ron. My mom died of cancer at 88. It was horrible to see her suffer those last few weeks. That was roughly 6 years ago now. Fortunately, she died pre covid at least. She would have really hated all of those restrictions.
My Dad is 94, and still living on his own. But we doubt that this can continue for very much longer, as he is in obvious decline at this point. Not looking forward to the big family fight where we are forced to take his car keys away from him…
I am sorry that your mom had to go through all that and that you had to witness it. It’s an agonizing feeling of helplessness. We have so many choices in life but often too few in death. I am thankful for her peace and I pray for yours.
Sorry for your loss. I saw my Mom pass in the same manner. Much younger. But no matter the age it is a loss. It gets better with time and pleasant memories remain not the pain.
I’m really sorry to hear about your mom’s situation; it’s heart-wrenching to witness a loved one going through such tough times. It’s so true that we should be able to discuss these difficult topics openly. Most people think about their own mortality at some point, and it’s essential to have these conversations to improve end-of-life care.
I can relate to your situation as well. Recently, my grandpa passed away, and I had to leave to attend his funeral. It’s never an easy experience, and it makes us reflect on life and death even more. Our family started researching different burial options, and that’s when we came across aquamation, which is an eco-friendly alternative. We found out about it on the Green Farewells webpage, and it intrigued us because of its environmental benefits.
RonP, I just saw this post for the first time a few moments ago.
Add me to the group and the their kind thoughts.
I lost both parents 13 yrs ago , a sister shortly after and a step daughter to cancer at 21. I lost a close friend of 50 years two months ago. Today is the birthday of my father. I feel there is a connection to them and in some way communication on some level.
We will all have our time , savor the day, savor life…it goes too quickly…